"Dr. Quackgrass, I am so delighted to meet you! The Police Gang Unit referred me to you and I am so optomistic that you will be able to help me. I have tried everyone, even Father Farfromnothing. He just tells me to grow some hair.""Crystal be quiet and let's begin. What is your problem?"
"Neanderthalman always belittles me and humiliates me because I have bad hair days. He says it is my fault that my hair is lifeless, thin, and stringy. He says it has no body and is not holding up to a good drag! He also threatens me with the Tree Gang Mafia! He says if I don't grow hair he will send me to the Cukoo's Nest in Forest Grove like they did my mother."
"Crystal, that is a very serious problem. Bad hair runs in families and is a very serious disorder. I have the pills for you that will help you grow hair. I will consult with Neanderthalman since he is paying for my services and I will draft a family profile in order to establish bad hair links for future reference."
"Doctor Quackgrass that sounds good. But what if bad hair does not run in my family and what if the sugar pills don't work? That does not make any sense because my mother had beautiful hair! But, I will do anything because Neanderthalman will leave me if I don't grow stronger hair! He will find someone else to live in our lean-to of willow branches!"
"I know you are desparate, Crystal. Just take the pills and make another appointment for next month. Do you have insurance? If not, you need Neanderthalman to send me a check for my services. See you in a month, Crystal. Now go grow some hair."
Next: Dr.Quackgrass and Neanderthalman catch 9 holes of golf at the Cave Man Monkey Resort.
