Ten Thousand Ivory Bones Buys the Case!

Judge Snow Queen retires to her chambers while she meets with Mr. Iamcorrupt. Mr. Iamcorrupt opens up his satchel and displays ten thousand ivory bones.

"These could be yours, Judge Snow Queen. Of course this is all off the record and consider this a gift. There is no paper trail to these ivory bones so there would be no possibility of anyone accusing you of accepting these for any favors, so to speak."

Mr. Iamcorrupt winks, then winks again.

"Are you sure, Mr. Iamcorrupt? If that is the case I can afford to make an erroneous decision and there will be no proof that I lack judgement! Okay, but of course this meeting never happened. Leave the bones here, so I can chew on them."

Judge Snow Queen calls the court to order.

"I hereby commit Crystal to the Cukoos Nest in Forest Grove because I have conferred with Dr. Quackgrass unbeknowest to her, and he says she is not capable of growing hair and will never be able to grow hair. Her prognosis is not fit for Neanderthalman, who has many ivory bones and who desires the cook at the Coffee Cave. Neanderthalman says he will sue Dr. Quackgrass for improper conduct since Crystal has gone to him many times and never grows hair. He can prove that Dr. Quackgrass is having an affair with Crystal and he is tired of paying for it! Also, while we are at it, I grant Neanderthalman a divorce unless Crystal can provide adequate testimony that she can grow hair! And, even if she does we all know that I have the ivory bones so in that case, Neanderthalman, you get everything! Crystal will have a roof over her head at Forest Grove and the taxpayers can pay for it!

Judge Snow Queen shrieks, "The bones are mine!"

Crystal turns white then runs out of the courtroom.

Next: Crystal barrels into Braveheart

Judge Snow Queen has a restless habit

Crystal was shaking in her hand-crafted leather moccasins. She knew she had to face the music today at the hearing. Mr. Iamcorrupt was going to establish cause to put her away. Crystal was also beside herself because she could not figure out why Neanderthalman was so mad at her. She had talked with Dr. Quackgrass about this problem, but his only solution was to up the dosage on her sugar pills because her hair was not responding well. She confided in Betty and while Betty was a comfortable resource she also advised Crystal to keep her appointments with Dr. Quackgrass and to take her sugar pills. Crystal had very few hairs left on her head.

Neanderthalman just got worse ever since she had listened to the Police Gang Unit and went to Dr. Quackgrass. He continued to call her names and drag her across the floor then humiliate her because her hair fell out.

"I have had enough Crystal, your hair is still lifeless and dull, I can't put anymore money into you. I am going to Mr. Iamcorrupt and I am going to have to put you away. You are not taking your sugar pills, obviously or your hair would stand up to my drags. You are history Crystal. It is time for you to take a nice long vacation. If your hair grows while you are there, we will talk about getting back together again."

Crystal scared out of mind, fled to find herself a lawyer who would help. She had heard about the Cukoos Nest where they fry your brain with hotsticks to make hair grow. But there were no lawyers for Crystal. Since Neanderthalman was part of the Tree Mafia Gang and the Monkey Cave Clan, she was fodder for the hunt and she felt hunted.

"Crystal. Are you taking your sugar pills?"

"Oh, yes Mr. Iamcorrupt, everyday religiously."

"Then why is your hair dull and lifeless?"

"I don't know, probably because bad hair does not run in my family and the pills are not working?"

"You are hostile, Crystal. You are not cooperating. You are lying and we need to put you away to monitor your medication and your pills. Judge Snow Queen, I recommend that you order Crystal to the Cukoos Nest in Forest Grove for an undetermined time until we can establish her hair growth."

Judge Snow Queen draped in her bull-hide robe fidgets restlessly at the bench sniffing her fingers and states, "I need the testimony of Dr. Quackgrass before I make my decision -- but let's take a break now."

Next: Judge Snow Queen and Mr.Iamcorrupt go behind closed doors to make the deal.

Neanderthalman hooks up with Mr. Iamcorrupt

It was a chilly morning and the frost painted the air as Neanderthalman hopped on his fat 'ole steed and rode into town for his morning coffee with Betty.

"Gad, Betty! I hate to do this but I see no other way around it! Ever since you told me about Crystal's affair with Dr. Quackgrass, I had to call my good friend from the Tree Mafia Gang and get a lawyer so I can put her away. I have enlisted the services of Mr. Iamcorrupt. I can only assume that her bad hair condition is the reason for her behavior. But, that doesn't mean I have to put up with it! After all, I am paying Dr. Quackgrass for his services! It is his job to fix her!"

"Neanderthalman, I know you are crushed! But, after it is all over we, I mean you, will be better off for it and Crystal will get the help she needs in Forest Grove. While she is there at the Cukoo's Nest you will be able to secure your empire so she does not run off with Dr. Quackgrass and take everything from you!"

"I know it is all a pity. I am sure Dr. Quackgrass will cooperate. After all he has breached the patient/professional relationship and he will help me put her away, now. He is in serious trouble!"

"Exactly, Neanderthalman!" Betty's eyes twinkle in delight dreaming of her brand new lean-to made out of oak!

Next: Crystal fights the battle against Mr. Iamcorrupt.