The Classified Gossip Prints the Story!

"Braveheart - you are not going to believe what is in the Classified Gossip this morning! It's the inside story about Thephoneman! Evidently, some reporter by the name of Rather Dandy has been sleuthing around and he says that the possibility of a conspiracy exists!"

Thephoneman Most Likely Murdered and Not Accidental.

News Story and Photo by: Rather Dandy

The unsolved alleged accidental dealth of Thephoneman is the current cold case by this writer. Gossip has filtered throughout the community that Thephoneman was really shot in the back. As an investigative reporter, I have decided to examine the reports. My findings are disturbing because so much is NOT there and the connections spell TREE GANG MAFIA! Here are my bulleted concerns. (Emphasis on the bullet.)

The Facts

• Sherriff Iliketobeat'em too was not available for comment. He has left the country. Last seen at the other end of Huckleberry Land all beat up.
• Thephoneman's mother never saw her son after his alleged accidental death.
• The coroner hastily cremated Thephoneman without permission before any exam was done to confirm exposure after he was finally found after days of searching by Deputy Iputmywifewaytoo. Rumors flourish that wild animals chewed him up. Other rumors flourish that Ilovemydoggies unleashed her own dogs on him.
• No bullet was found.
• The coroner and local funeral director is good buddies with Sherrif Iliketobeat'em too. Other gossip reigns that they are in cohoots smuggling drugs in the padding of his caskets!
• The records regarding the search and rescue of Thephoneman are gone. Deputy Iputmywifeawaytoo was promoted AND escaped prosecution of illegal wiretapping because Thephoneman died before he could testify.
• Thephoneman spoke to Crystal and told her to be careful. Why? Neanderthalman told Crystal about the alleged plot to kill lluvmydoggies SO Neaderthalman was also involved in the wiretapping.

According to my Reporter's Investigative Conspiracy Handbook: A conspiracy is an agreement between two or more persons to commit a crime or accomplish a legal purpose through illegal action. So far the lack of evidence supports my findings - but I need more. That is why the reward.

NEXT: Deputy Iputmywifeawaytoo who has been promoted to the Emergent Director of the Classified Gossip is given truth serum. (he wants the reward!)